Written by Sarah Gupta, MD | Reviewed by Sophie Vergnaud, MD
Key takeaways:
- For many people, an orgasm is the emotional and
physical peak of sexual excitement.
-
Orgasms aren’t a one-size-fit-all type of
thing. What matters most is how you personally feel about your body, your sex
life, and your sexual abilities.
-
Some people have orgasms very quickly and
easily. Other people need more time and more variety during sex to have an
orgasm. And some people never have orgasms at all.
-
If you want to have better (or more frequent)
orgasms, there are many different strategies that can help, like masturbation,
education, or apps.
- You can also work with a health professional.
5. When it comes to sex, orgasms are a natural and enjoyable part of life for many people. They can bring pleasure, help you feel relaxed and happy, and even help you feel more connected to your partner.
It’s important to know that everyone’s bodies and experiences are unique. In other words, there’s no “right” way to have an orgasm. Read on if you’re interested in learning more about how orgasms happen and how to have more of them. We’ll give you some tips and tricks for having better or more frequent orgasms. Let’s start with some background.
What is an orgasm?
An orgasm is an intense feeling of pleasure that happens during sexual activity. It’s sometimes considered the physical and emotional “peak” of sexual excitement.
It can be hard to describe what an orgasm feels like.
Here are some of the things people can experience during an orgasm:
- A rush of pleasure throughout
your body
-
Warmth or heat in your
genitals or other parts of your body
-
A surge of emotion
-
Tingling or ticklish
sensations
-
An urge to call out or make
noises
-
Muscle contractions in your genital
area
- Ejaculation
As part of an orgasm, your body also releases endorphins, or “feel-good” hormones. These can make you feel relaxed and content after the orgasm.
Are orgasms good for your health?
Possibly. There’s some evidence that sexual activity — and orgasm — could have health benefits. Safe, consensual sex may help you:
- Feel less anxious or depressed
- Sleep better
- Lower your blood pressure
- Lower your risk for heart disease
- Increase blood flow to your brain
Are orgasms different for men and women?
Not really. From a physical point of view, orgasms are the same for both men and women. But in reality, orgasms can feel different for different people. For example:
- Some people have powerful,
frequent orgasms. Other people might have more gentle, or less frequent
orgasms.
-
Some people don’t have orgasms
at all.
-
Some people orgasm quickly and
easily. Other people take a longer time to orgasm.
- Some people (mostly men) can orgasm from penetration alone, while other people need a variety of sexual activities to orgasm.
· Your relationships and environment can also affect your orgasms. This can include your relationship with your partner, how you’re feeling physically and emotionally, and what’s going on in your day-to-day life.
Is it common to have an orgasm during sex?
It depends. Some groups of people have orgasms more often than others.
Keep in mind that 4 out of 5
women aren’t able to have an orgasm with vaginal penetration alone, and
over 1 in 10 women have never experienced an
orgasm.
How to have an orgasm
Never had an orgasm? Don’t worry, you’re not
alone. It’s also OK if you’re not interested in having an orgasm.
But if you haven’t had a satisfying orgasm before — and you’d like to — here
are six tips for having your first orgasm.
1. Find some time and privacy
Start by setting aside some uninterrupted time in a private place.
2. Give yourself permission
Tell yourself it’s OK to want to orgasm. Self-acceptance goes a long way when it comes to sex. Orgasm is a totally normal part of being human. Wanting to have one doesn’t mean you have a “dirty” mind.
3. Get to know your body
The next step is to get to know your body. This might include looking at your genitals and touching them. If you haven’t had an orgasm before, it can be a good idea to do this on your own for a while, before you involve a partner.
4. Figure out what feels good
Start to figure out which places feel good to
touch. In other words, try out (self-pleasure) to help you pinpoint what your
body responds to. And guess what?
5. Keep going, and don’t worry about the
end result
Now that you’ve found what feels good, keep going! Try to stay focused on how good it feels to touch yourself. And don’t worry about having an orgasm. Over time, you may notice yourself becoming more and more aroused — and even having an orgasm.
6. Practice, practice, practice
Don’t worry if you don’t have an orgasm the first time you try. Learning how to orgasm can take some time.
How to have better orgasms
First, take the pressure off of yourself! Remember that orgasm isn’t the only way to enjoy sexual pleasure. But if you’re looking for ways to make it easier to have an orgasm, here are four suggestions.
1. Learn more about your body and your orgasms
Understanding what makes you orgasm is a great way to encourage orgasms. Learn what you like. And, if you’re with a partner, ask for it!
Here’s how to go about learning more about your own sexuality in a “no-pressure” way:
Try masturbating (touching yourself). This can help you understand what you like, and you can then incorporate that into your sex life. Masturbating during vaginal penetration can also help you orgasm.
Learn from trusted resources. Look for books about sex that interest you.
Take a class. This can be on your own or with a partner. You can even take some classes from the comfort of your own home.
Use smartphone and tablet apps. These can help you learn about your body and orgasms. Some apps can even help you set and achieve personal goals in your sex life.
2. Make changes to your sex life
Sometimes, changing the way you think, talk, and go about sex can make it easier to orgasm.
There’s some evidence that thinking positive or sexual thoughts can make it easier to have an orgasm. Using “sexy” sounds and body movements can also be helpful.
In general, people are more likely to have frequent orgasms if they:
- Engage in “sexy talk” or
“sexting”
-
Wear lingerie
-
Talk about or act out sexual
fantasies
-
Try new sex positions
-
Ask for something they want
during sex
- Combine different sex activities (like oral sex, sexual touching, and deep kissing)
- Have sex for a longer time (at
least 15 minutes)
-
Praise their partner for
something they did in bed
- Talk about love during sex
3. Experiment with tools
Another way to change things up and experiment with your body is to try using different tools:
Vibrators: These are sex toys that can help with sexual arousal or orgasm. They can be used during sexual activities, including vaginal sex and masturbation. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and are designed for all genders, body types, and abilities.
Use positioning tools: Finding a comfortable position can help you orgasm. Positioners and spacers can help you control your body’s position and movements during sex. These can be especially helpful for people who experience pain during sex or people who have a disability (link includes explicit images).
4. Try out lifestyle changes
Simple changes to your daily habits and routine can also increase your chances of satisfying orgasms:
Cut down on alcohol and tobacco. More than 1 to 2 alcoholic drinks can interfere with arousal and orgasm. And tobacco decreases healthy blood flow to the genitals, making it harder to have an orgasm.
Exercise. Exercise can reduce stress and improve your overall well-being — both of which can help with orgasm. Exercise may also specifically help with sexual problems caused by antidepressants.
Try Kegel exercises. These strengthen pelvic floor muscles. This can help improve muscle tone in your genital area and can make arousal and orgasm easier.
What to do if you’re still having trouble
If you’ve tried all of these and you’re still having trouble with orgasm, consider reaching out to your healthcare provider. It’s possible that your orgasm problems are related to a medical issue, like diabetes, hormone changes, or heart disease. Medication side effects can cause problems, too.
In some cases, it can also be helpful to talk with a mental health professional, like a psychiatrist or therapist. This can be especially helpful if you’re dealing with depression or anxiety, since both can interfere with your sex life.
Some people also find it’s helpful to work directly with a sexual health specialist. These are professionals with special training in treating sexual problems, including problems with orgasm. Examples include:
Sex therapist
Pelvic floor therapist
Sexological bodyworker
And finally, remember that orgasm is just one type of sexual experience. Even if you’re not able to have an orgasm, there are still many enjoyable ways that you can be sexually active.
The bottom line
For many people, orgasms are an enjoyable part of sex. But if you’re not satisfied with the quality or frequency of your orgasms, there are ways you can make a change. Strategies include masturbation, sex education, smartphone apps, and tools. You can also work with a healthcare professional.
The key to a healthy sex life (including orgasms) is understanding your body and what works best for you. And remember: When it comes to orgasms, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. So be patient, stay curious, and most importantly — have fun exploring.