 |
| Image by Feepik |
From
a woman perspective. By A. Ally
An honest conversation for a healthy marriage and relationships.
Sex is how your husband
feels loved and respected.
Your
husband is not a woman he is a man. Sex is incredibly important to a man and
it's where we miss each other and just go totally different ways as husband and
wives. If you ask a good man, what are the top three things that are most
important to him in a marriage or relationship, sex is going to be number one
if not number two or three.
If you ask a woman, what are your top 10 most important things to you in a
marriage or relationship. Sex might not even make the list. It might be like
number eight nine or 10. Maybe we have to understand as women that sex is
incredibly important to men and we know that's why we use it as a weapon of
manipulation and control.
We all know how we do that and have done that. What happens is that we
begin to treat our husbands like Neanderthals and that there's something wrong
with them, that sex is so important to them and we want to change them and make
them so wrong for just who they are as a man. But you have to understand when you
chose to get married, you made vows and commitment to your husband, you took on
the role and responsibility to have sex in your marriage and enjoy it as part
of a healthy relationship.
Women need to understand that sex is not an option and that it is not
something that is inconsequential, sex is part of a healthy relationship and
marriage. This is one of the things I've been reflecting on because when I and
my husband got engaged I had already started withdrawing and putting a wall up
around sex. In the beginning of our relationship and dating, leading up to us
getting married we had a very healthy enjoyable sex life but then I threw my
walls up and that's very common for us as women. It was really a big challenge
in my early 30s, which is so sad to me now and I had to learn that as important
part of my healing in my marriage. Through this decade of my 30s, in the
beginning was overcoming the walls I had built around sex in my marriage and recognizing
that I couldn't have sex with my husband as a Duty, chore or an obligation.
When we have sex from a place of obligation or as a chore we feel used and
resentful. Shutting down sex is not okay in marriage. It's a cruel way to treat
your husband who is a man, which this is very important to him. So ladies let
me make it very clear, you cannot have a healthy marriage or relationships if
you are not having sex with your husband or you are shut down to sex and doing
it as an obligation or a chore, it's not okay. You can't have a healthy
marriage or relationship with that kind of altitude.
We all know sex is important part for a healthy marriage and relationship
because we all enjoy sex. If you remember when you met your husband or before
you met your husband and you were dating and having different relationships
with men we couldn't wait to get together and meet up for a date, and know
where that was going to lead and we can reflect back to the beginning of our
relationship before we got engaged and got married, we were in the newness. We
loved and enjoy having sex then we begin to put our walls up in it.
I'm excited to share my experience because it's been a wonderful journey in
my marriage. One of the things I'm most proud of and my husband is most
appreciative of, is that I have healed and overcome in myself. I'm excited to
share so hopefully we're able to talk about it more and find healing and have a
better marriage. There’s so much misinformation’s, myths about sex that we’ve
been fed with lies. We are not Ovens that need to be warmed up. Women do enjoy
sex just men do too.
It’s time to rethink sex in marriage so that you know sex is how your
husband feels loved and respected and that it's not an option in marriage. Yea,
when we made those vows is part of the commitment we made for a healthy
relationship. As women we can reconnect with the fact that we enjoy sex too. It's
something we do for ourselves and enjoy for ourselves and that we get the
benefit as husband and wife. But a key piece is, we really do have to remember
that we enjoy it and not have sex for our husbands as something to check off
the list just because it's important to them. But they can feel that we have learn
to be there and be engaged and enjoy it for ourselves, which is all our
husbands want. Then, we don't have the resentment or feeling of been used or
feeing that's all we're good for or that's what we're supposed to do. We can be
in it for ourselves and our husbands and we all get the benefit.
You can have a healthy sex life in your marriage, which is a key piece of
being a good wife in a healthy marriage.